HOW TO BE A PERFECT FATHER, Dr. Gerry Cornelius

Dr. Gerry Cornelius
How To Be a Perfect Father
The Ultimate Guide for New Dads

Ward Cleaver. The dad in "My Three Sons." Tolstoy*. All great fathers who didn't have the benefit of this book—and that's a damn good thing. Because How To Be a Perfect Father might've scared the pants back on them; and where would we as a society be without little Beaver?

From Dr. Gerry Cornelius, the eminent yet elusive genius wanted in only three states (note: doesn't include Canada), comes the complete illustrated, annotated guide to the art of being a male parent, something at least half the population contemplates at some point in their lives. In this book, Dr. Cornelius eschews such pedestrian problems as how to change a diaper or how to mix formula, and instead goes right for the hard stuff: what do you do if your baby is ugly? how can you exploit your baby for cash? and, is it okay to keep a restless baby in his highchair with scotch tape? (answer: no, use duct tape).

Bonus material includes a snappy pin-up of a beach babe and a mantra for the frustrated father: "I will get a vasectomy, I will get a vasectomy, I will get a vasectomy" (note: said while banging head on wall).

Take time off, dads. Sure, your honey just had a C-section. The kid's in the incubator. But what about you? And don't worry about egoism: this isn't a "me, me, me" situation. This is about YOU, no one else.
—How To Be a Perfect Father, pg. 93

* Tolstoy had thirteen children. And we wonder how he knew so much about "unhappy families."

Dr. Gerry Cornelius is an eminent child psychologist with so many advanced degrees he doesn't want to list them all for fear of making you feel bad. His hobbies include threatening toddlers with "Time Out," pulling tomato-and-mayonnaise sandwiches from VCRs, and drinking heavily.

$12.00 | paperback | 112 pages | ISBN 1-56858-302-8
Fiction

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